This is as good a time as any to restart my daily writing. We are in the middle of a global corona virus pandemic. Officially the virus has been named COVID-19. Yesterday we had a janata curfew in India - apparently it is not a curfew order, but a voluntary one. Of course, the streets all over the country are absolutely empty because everyone is scared - of the virus, of the government. I don’t know which fear is more. My neighbour was scared to go for a walk in the lane in front of her house yesterday evening! The curfew was absolute. Usually there are some vehicles going past my house during the day. Yesterday there were probably 3 motorbikes that went past. The silence is delicious. And also eerie at the same time, because I know it is not “normal”.
A few days back I did panic. I wondered if I had enough money to last this out. I wondered if I would fall ill. I wondered if anyone in my family would fall ill. I wondered if I would ever see my family again. And when I say “family”, I include many close friends as well.
Quite miraculously, rather than indulging in my panic, after a few minutes, I was able to be rational about this. Yes, I had enough liquid funds to last me a couple of years, easily. Yes, maybe I would fall ill, but I know how to look after myself - that has been repeatedly proved. Yes, my family may fall ill - however, my panic does not help to build their immunity. And most definitely yes, I would see my family again - sometime this year itself probably. I have gone long periods without seeing them, so why should this be any different?
Meanwhile there is work to be completed, interesting courses online that I have signed up for and never finished and time enough for the decluttering that I had started in December. I still have too much junk - I need to reduce, reduce, reduce. All this will take me through the next four months. After all, it seems like just yesterday that it was December 2019 and I was full of angst! And already it is March 2020 and I can appreciate the sunshine outside. Time definitely passes and with it, my state of mind changes as well. So whatever I feel today is not forever. If I can hold on to that thought then I will do okay.
Thankfully I have enough books to read, enough ways to communicate with others, enough entertainment available. There will be difficult days when none of this will help. I will need to face that then; no point worrying about it now, right?
Let me see if I can get a daily routine going - bathing, working, some exercise, some entertainment, some meditation. And writing! For too long have I swayed to the tunes of others and not acknowledging it even to myself! Let me now live by my opinions and feelings now that I have gotten rid of most of the negative influences in my life.
On Facebook, I read a post about how Anne Frank was in hiding for 716 days. I recently read her diary - it is truly amazing. However, there is no comparison in the situations. She faced death if she went out. And a horrible death at that; not just for herself, but for her family as well. If I go out and pick up the virus and spread it, I will probably survive. However, I am sure I will be responsible for someone else’s illness and death. Why take the chance? No, this is nothing at all like what Anne Frank went through. And I have so much going for me even in these troubled times. I am grateful, extremely grateful for my privilege. And I hope to be able to focus on that in the coming weeks. What my writing will do is to allow me to vent when I am overcome by anxiety. Maybe someday in the future I can read this again and be proud of how strong I was. Or not!
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