I make sure that I have my coffee and breakfast before writing this journal so that I feel more positive. But today, even that doesn’t help. All around me are images and messages of gloom till I am left wondering - is this really the end of the world? The kaliyugam that is talked about? The apocalypse? Maybe it is actually better if the world ends when it treats it’s fellow denizens so badly!
Worldwide, data is already coming in about an increase in domestic violence by about 30% - that is 1 in 3 women not being able to stay inside the house. So easy for the powerful and the privileged to tell everyone to stay home no? And from past experience, it is clear that this is still an under-reporting.
Images of the migrants across India walking home are haunting my waking moments as well as my dreams. There are some 450 million workers in the informal sector in India - again, almost 1 in 3. And “stay at home” is a bizarre concept for them. I am sure I don’t have to explain further to the readers of this journal.
This piece of writing every morning gives me a focus through the day as I try to sort out in my head what I want to share in the journal the next day. I am not able to shut out reality, but it helps me to be less swayed by what I read and see on TV. It hasn’t worked very well in the last 24 hours. I guess it is only going to get worse in the coming days. So let me dredge up my reserves and go ahead.
Yesterday I decided that I just have to get fuel for my car. So I went out in the afternoon during siesta hour at 2.30 pm. It takes just 10 minutes to get to Mapusa, but the empty roads made it seem much much longer. I reached the petrol bunk and they had fuel! Yipee! But they wouldn’t give it to me because I wasn’t wearing a mask. I pulled out a cloth from my car and put it around my face, but still no go. I don’t blame them - everyone is scared. So I went in search of a medical store. At this time of the afternoon, naturally, everything is closed. Finally I found one that was open. It had a large sign asking people not to enter without a mask on their face. And a smaller sign stating that they had run out of masks and sanitisers. Also only 3 people were allowed in at a time. Others waited in line outside. When the door opened to let someone out, I shouted to the salesgirl asking if she had even one spare mask. She shook her head. Then I asked her where I could get one. She suggested that I try a shop around the corner. Of course, that was also closed.
I walked back to my car and called friends who were also looking for fuel. Maybe they could come and bring an extra mask with them. What was I thinking? This was siesta time!
Then I drove up to another petrol bunk and pleaded with the guy there. He took pity on me and filled up the tank. Yes, what both of us did was wrong. His boss came out and shouted at him, but by then it was done. I left Mapusa with my heart thudding.
Why do I need fuel, after all I am not going anywhere? Just in case. Also I want to be able to help others this coming week. I know there are going to be many people who will need door delivery of supplies. I want to be mobile then.
This morning my neighbour told me about a migrant worker who had come to her house late last night for groceries. He told her that they are a group of them whose contractor has not paid them money and has stopped answering his phone. My neighbour, Mary, has run out of stocks. So she put together what she could from her personal store and gave him. He had told her that he planned to walk back to where ever his hometown is. She asked me this morning how this was going to work. She had heard that the army was out in Goa - in her fear, she referred to them as the RSS Army. I told her that it was the CRPF and she shouldn’t worry as she anyway stayed at home. Her concern is for those who don’t have, those who cannot go out and forage and gather like some of us. I echo her feelings.
We are seeing a complete breakdown of the Indian state - all arms of it - legislature, executive and judiciary. So let us call out the army. Like that will help!
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