My heart leapt up this morning as I saw the readership of my blog has increased. Thank you! I am an insecure writer and hesitant to share what I read - so when I do share, I wait nervously for feedback. For a start, just the fact that you are reading what I write is enough to make me continue.
You may have noticed, that I have skipped writing on some days. Well, I don’t write when I truly miserable - no point spreading my negativity. And I haven’t written when I have had paid work to do. That does take priority - especially once I had crossed the deadline.
I went out yesterday after four days inside the house staring at my computer screen hoping the report I was working on would get done. Finally, on the night of the 3rd, the stars aligned just right and I got my work done. Paid work is important in these times. One still has to pay rent. Unpaid work got ignored - like my daily writing or my household chores or exercise.
I am, of course, lucky to have this choice. My household comprises I, me and myself. I can let my surroundings rot for as long as I can bear the smell. I hear daily of cases where families are stepping back a couple of centuries. Typically urban families in India have a heterosexual couple with both of them working outside the home and one or two children. Now I hear of and from women who are juggling unpaid house work with paid office work inside their home while their husband focuses on his office work, lounges in front of the TV or very kindly makes himself a cup of tea. Depending on their age, the children follow in the the footsteps of the parent who does less work. Naturally!
Of course house work is boring - done occasionally it can be meditative or therapeutic or calming. Having to do it every day with no choice is mind numbing and I truly dislike it. On Facebook I see posts about why men should ‘help’ their wives. Help? Really? Isn’t it their house as well? Given the statistics on property ownership, legally it is probably his house only!!!
At an intellectual level, I know that a disaster of this scale is an opportunity to bring about change - to turn around gender norms and stereotypes. At a practical level, what I see is women who just want to get the day over with, too tired to think beyond getting everything done and going to sleep. I believe that dialogue is the first step in bringing about change. I have seen it work in reality. So how do we start this dialogue within that space we consider holy - the home? Any ideas on this are welcome.
Watch this video to understand more - https://www.facebook.com/feminisminindia/videos/214572863157018/
Watch this video to understand more - https://www.facebook.com/feminisminindia/videos/214572863157018/
Yesterday, I went for a drive. A neighbour had stitched a mask for me and so I put it on. I also wore a bra after 4 days, since I had to be ‘decent’, in case a cop stopped me. Between the two, I honestly couldn’t breathe. The mask came off soon enough!
While out I saw several people riding around on their two-wheelers - youngsters, 3 to a bike, merrily whizzing past. What happened to social distancing and masks and quarantine and self isolation, in the days that I had shut out the world?
The big news is that shops are slowly opening. They still don’t have supplies of essentials, but I came home with a loaf of sliced bread, bakery biscuits, some bananas and a tetrapak of cranberry juice - absolute treasures in these times. The mega supermarket on the highway has re-opened. There was a mega queue outside it - an awning had been put up outside to provide shade and everyone seemed orderly and suitably distanced and of course, masked.
P.S. I am glad there is good coverage about the chaos in Goa - The Indian Express: ‘Struggling to feed our workers as MLAs diverting supplies to their areas’: Goa industries body chief.
2 comments:
Maybe I'm the wrong person to say this, but we simply have to accept and get used to housework. As long as we see it as boring and unpaid, we will resent and hate doing it, regardless of gender. We have to simply give in and say 2 hours of our day (or whatever time) will be spent in keeping the house going. It is like accounting or making lists at work. Its like bathing or brushing your teeth, As children these seem boring and stupid, but as we grow older, they become rituals that are enjoyable. Resistance will only make everything worse, and the battle of the sexes will stay at this puerile level.
Will the author of the comment above message me directly? I wouldn't want to respond till I know who has written it so as to understand the context. Thank you. Gouthami
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